Choices.part one

I'm writing this with a heavy heart. I'm at a crossroads with many people in my life. First in line is my baby mama. We known each other ten years and still get along pretty good. We had a horrible breakup and by breakup I mean she dumped me. Now me being the idiot that I am, I go and get her pregnant not too long afterwards. This led to us getting back together and me suffering for all the bad things that I had done previously. She continued to cheat with the guy from the first go around , put me on some sort of pussy punishment( constantly saying she wasnt ready after the birth), and finally she dumped me to be with him. The actual story has many horrible details behind it which I may cover later in subsequent blogs. But I will say that I got caught cheating which led us down the path we went. I still try to do stuff for her and with her occasionally. She is a great mother but she is definitely not the same woman I knew.  I feel bad because I know that I should have put that rubber on and let her move to nashville to be with that  nigga. Sometimes I long for her to show some sort of affection towards me. Other times I want to smash her face in with a brick for the shit she put me through. As of the new year, I plan on completely cutting off our friendship(other than the baby needs). She doesn't love me the way I love her and I'm tired of trying to make things right but getting nothing in return. She says she doesn't want to have sex with me or no one else. I know she is lying through her teeth so I just charge it to the game. I know at the end of the day, she will always love him more than me. And I'm just the safe choice, the good guy, the good father. If it wasn't for my daughter, she would have been fired me way back when and they could be happily married and I would be living the high life. But now I'm so bitter from that period in my life, I don't even let people in close enough to hurt me again. I wish her the best because its time for me to find a girl to spend the rest of my life with. Hopefully I won't fuck it up like I did this one.